Where the Wild Things Are Ruled By Jerk Kids

9 Jul

So we all remember this book from our childhood. Luckily, Spike Jonze decided to make your favorite picture book into a feature-length tale of some jerk kid and creepy CGI monsters.  Sweet!

The movie starts out with this kid, Max, hurling a snowball at his sister’s friend.  What a prick.  Then he dresses up like a cat (obvious identity issues) and proceeds to go Dead Poets Society all over the kitchen counter.  His mother tries to feed him and he bites her.  What an adorable boy.  His mom then drugs him and leaves him in a closet until daylight.

You're not really a king, jerk.

Okay, that isn’t how the movie goes.  That’s just how I wish it went. Instead, the mean kid runs away and sails to an island. He almost drowns, but the director was just messing with you (jk lol!).  Max meets some dude named Carol (James Gandolfini) and they begin bulldozing people’s houses.  Seriously, one dude was just chilling in his abode and they wrecked the wall.  Max pretends he is the king (probably a misdemeanor fraud charge) and says he has special powers.

Along the way, Max personally ignites a dirt clod war and alienates half the island’s population.  He’s a real stand up guy.  Eventually Carol sees past Max’s lies and tries to eat him.  I was really looking forward to this, but another “wild thing” intervenes.  Lame.

Max finally leaves the island after disappointing everyone with his lies. He returns home to find his mother distraught over her missing son.  Now Max is happy because everything revolves around him.  Congrats, jerk.

You would be friends with Kanye.

What began life as a brief children’s book about being homesick has been adapted into a lengthy exhibition of how crappy kids can be.  I seriously think this movie was intended to be a PSA for abstinence.  Thank you Spike Jonze, for reminding me that kids are terrible people.  Also, you ruined this book.

Grade: D for “damn, that kid was a D-bag”

Note: The music in this film is actually pretty cool.

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