Ways to entertain yourself with minimal effort

7 Jul

I work nights as a gate guard at a fancy neighborhood, so there is plenty of down time.  I sometimes bring a portable DVD player with me, but before I did that, I had to find ways to not go crazy.  Next time you find yourself stuck at a boring job or possibly in prison or something, use these techniques to stay sane.

Throw a pen against a wall

It doesn’t sound like much, but the crazy angles this bad boy will bounce back at you can be wildly amusing for minutes on end.

Dead baby jokes

Just recite them to yourself.  They’re funny even when your grandparents aren’t there to cringe at the punch lines.  (Ex.: How do you keep a baby from falling down a manhole?  Stab a javelin through its head!)

Bug wars

You might not know this, but our insect friends are in a constant struggle against one another for control over light sources.  Take a break from your boredom to witness this miniscule civil war.

Compose a whistling masterpiece

I don’t know how to read or write music.  The only sharp note I know is the taste of cheddar.  In my mind, Beethoven was a St. Bernard that caused constant mischief.  But my whistling rendition of the 1812 Overture sounds like butterflies dancing on water lilies or something pretty like that.

Skim through the phonebook

This can offer hours of entertainment.  In my area alone, there are two Mrs. Butterworths, two Gaylord families, a Schmuck, and three people named Putz.  See you laughed just reading that (if your name wasn’t listed above)!

Pringles

Simply put, these babies are delicious and their design is visually stimulating, leaving you intrigued for a few seconds.

Hand sanitizing

Cleanliness is next to godliness.  I’m a big fan of Purell.  I use it very often.  It feels nice on your hands and, if you light on fire, you can throw fireballs at people.  Don’t try this at home, folks.

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