I saw the sign

28 Jun

We know you’re an excellent driver, Rain Man, but we all make some mistakes on the road.  There are so many road signs on today’s roads that it’s hard to recall what they all mean.  If you’re like me and save the important space in your brain for more important things, like the perfect tuna salad recipe, then you might need a refresher course.  Here is my contribution to you.

Let’s start with an easy one.  We see this sign all the time.  They are usually placed at intersections and mean you should stop, making sure traffic is clear before proceeding through the crossway.  If a police officer is not present, however, this means you should tap your brakes as you roll through the intersection and giving the bird to the stop sign.  Your driver’s ed instructor covered this, right?

This baby’s a mean one.  This sign means that the flow of traffic only goes in one direction.  So you saw a cool antique store on that one way road you wanted to check out real quick?  Well, if your idea of “real quick” is going on a 15 minute journey back to that road, then go for it.  Otherwise, move on.  It’s a fact (for the purpose of this sentence) that every Blockbuster downtown puts one way roads all around them, just to boost late fee charges.  So, John Lennon, you think every road should have traffic flowing both ways in harmony?  Get that crazy progressive thinking out of here, hippie!

This sign is an urban legend of sorts.  All the nut-jobs out there say this thing exists and that cities place it where two roads are merging together.  I know, that sounds crazy!  I have never once seen anyone slow down, like they’re obeying some “yield sign”, to let me continue.  If no one else notices these things, then they don’t exist.  Yield signs have developed a cult following, though, among middle-aged fathers.  The dads celebrate the sign by shouting, “Yield, idiot!”, at the top of their lungs.  Its rumored existence and lack of evidence has gained it a reputation as the “Nessie” of the road sign world.

This sign is seen rarely, but it’s meant to identify a street or road as “really really Xtreme”.  Do not continue beyond here unless you have  properly trained to handle these roads.

This one is pretty straight-forward.  It is meant to caution people against using unstable or wobbly material when building stilts for their vehicles.


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