What if soccer was real life?

24 Jun

Soccer has been thrust into the national spotlight due to the 2010 World Cup.  It’s a great sport and I enjoyed playing in high school.  Sometimes I like watching a sport that Americans can’t beat everyone at.  With all this attention being paid to football, as our misinformed Europeans refer to it, it made me think.  What if soccer was real life?

Flopping

We’ve all been in this situation.  Some jerk is tailgating you so bad you can see the coffee stains on his teeth.  Wouldn’t it be great if you could stick it to him?  Wouldn’t it be better if you could do it in the flamboyant style of an Italian footballer?  Just tap those brakes and flop out onto the pavement like a dying swallow.  As soon as a passing officer sees the obvious agony you are going through, he’ll be sure to issue the annoying bumper rider a citation.  Then, you recover miraculously and continue to your destination.

Jersey Swap

Have you ever seen someone wearing some snazzy jacket or a sweet vintage t-shirt they found at a Goodwill Store?  I bet you were wondering how you could get your hands on something so cool.  Well don’t worry.  Now that soccer is real life, you just have to start a conversation with the hipster wearing the Alf shirt.  After the meeting is adjourned, simply disrobe and offer the kid your Hanes Beefy T and receive his retro threads in return!  Soccer works its real life magic again!

Check out this cool post about the jersey swap at Blurt.

Vuvuzelas

Have you ever wanted everything you do during the day to be celebrated with the constant drone of a million buzzing bees?  Well, look no farther.  Now that soccer is real life, every person you pass throughout the day is outfitted with the glorious vuvuzela.  South Africa has been buzzing (pun very intended) with talks of this crazy accessory.  It would probably make for a great beer bong, too.

Mullets

They’re still socially acceptable in the soccer world!

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One Response to “What if soccer was real life?”

  1. soccer predictions July 16, 2010 at 5:49 PM #

    now they can use Vuvuzelas to sip beer !

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